HS Home 5.2.2002 - Iraqi Father spends daughter's dowry money on car for himself

By Eeva Palm in Vaasa

The doorbell rings, and a woman's voice asks: "Is someone there?"

"This is Salim" answers an Arabic-language interpreter. Upon hearing the familiar name the woman opens the door a crack and gestures to let us in.

Maliha al-Dhalmi is a 51-year-old Iraqi woman, and the mother of a large family. A total of 13 children have grown up in the family; eight of the children are her own, the other five are those of her second husband's first wife, who is now dead.

Five of the children

are from al-Dhalmi's own first marriage. Only the youngest three are hers and her second husband's. The couple divorced a year and a half ago.

Four years ago Maliha al-Dhalmi fled Iraq and came to Finland with her husband and their youngest children. Now she lives alone. Her youngest child, a 16-year old daughter, has run away to Sweden.

The second husband, one son

, and a daughter, who is married for the second time, all live in Vaasa. The father has received two dowries from her.

Two daughters, for whom the father set a dowry price, live in Sweden. One of the daughters is disabled, and consequently her "price" was lower than that of the other one.

Al-Dhalmi says that the sums of money that suitors have to pay in dowries vary considerably.

"The father of the bride sets a price for his daughter. If a father does not want to give up his daughter, the price is set so high that the suitors give up", al-Dhalmi says.

Tradition dictates that the dowry money is supposed to go to the young couple set up their home.

Maliha al-Dhalmi says that when one of her daughters got married in Iraq, she gave her a set of bedroom furniture and closets. The bride also got clothing and jewellery.

"The dowry is supposed to go

to the young family, not the girl's father", al-Dhalmi says angrily. Dowries were paid for three daughters while they have lived in Finland. The daughter who divorced and remarried brought in two.

Maliha al-Dhalmi does not object to the dowry tradition itself, but she strongly disapproves of men like her second husband who do not use the money in the way that the tradition dictates.

Her husband used the dowry to buy a car for himself and sent the rest of the money to his relatives who live in Iraq.

There were no forced marriages in the al-Dhalmi family, although marriage contracts were made with the father. The daughters were the ones who chose their future husbands.

According to the tradition, the father has the exclusive right to set a price for the marriage contract - that is, the amount of the dowry.

Now al-Dhalmi is worried about her

16-year-old daughter.

"She fell in love with a Swedish interpreter - the girl has a heart condition and diabetes - and ran away with him to Sweden. She is afraid that her father and brother might take revenge, and dares not come to Finland."

"I am afraid for my own life and that of my daughter. These are not just issues inside the family: they also involve the whole ‘tribe'."

Maliha al-Dhalmi's fear derives from the fact that she showed the green light for her disabled daughter's relationship. "She has a good man, who dotes on the girl and takes good care of her. Things are going well with her", al-Dhalmi explains, and wipes a tear from the corner of her eye.

Helsingin Sanomat / First published in print 1.2.2002