Ice-cream-guzzling, internet-addicted, incorruptible insomniacs one and all 
The most competitive country, according to a report from the World Economic Forum, which placed us at #2 behind the United States for 2002, a drop of one place from our outright win in the 2001 Global Competitiveness Report for 2001. Any disappointment on this score was probably softened by another runner-up spot (again to the U.S.) in the WEF's Global Information Technology Report 2002-2003. Finland has::
The largest share of women in the workforce (48.1% of the overall total, and two of them occupy the top jobs in the land, remember).
The greatest sauna density (all Finns could be accomodated at the same time in the country's stock of steam-rooms, whether electric, traditional wood-fired, or smoke saunas).
The most literate teenagers, according to a December 2001 OECD Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) report. At the same time, our kids were shown to display the narrowest gap between the highest and lowest performers, although the rift between boys and girls was among the highest in all the 32 countries polled. Besides reading well, Finnish schoolchildren also performed creditably in maths (4th) and science (3rd). Finns are:
The most prolific eaters of ice-cream (a bucket-sized, tooth-tingling 13.5 litres per head per year, or more than twice the input of the French and Spanish consumers).
The best milk-drinkers in the European Union (at 182.5 kilos per head each year).
The most enthusiastic adult takers of exercise (more than 80% of Finns over the age of 15 spend over 3.5 hours a week in some form of physical exercise. Probably a good thing after all that milk and ice cream.) Finnish farmers are:
The most northerly arable farmers (cultivating grain at the same latitude as Alaska).
The biggest producers of oats (1,508,000 tons per annum, way more than the Scots, for all that they are supposed to have invented porridge)
The youngest farming population (measured as the smallest number of farmers over the age of 55, or 25.4%). Finland enjoys:
The world's best water situation, as measured by the World Water Council's international Water Poverty Index, published in December of last year. This will do little, however, to appease those in the Turku area who have seen their wells running dry following last summer's dry spell and a winter that was cold but rather short on snow. But hey, everything is relative: at least this is one country where you don't have to worry about what is going to come out of the tap. Finland can boast:
The greatest number of vendace-eaters (it helps of course that this small and delicious fish (Coregonus albula) is largely found only in Swedish and Finnish lakes).
The largest number of sports/leisure fishermen relative to population (around 2 million of them spread over the rivers, coastline, and on those 180,000 lakes).
The greatest density of hunters (nearly 300,000 people holding a hunting licence, or around 6% of the population. But Sweden has more bears than we do.)
The greatest quantity of strictly protected forest land (slightly under 7% of the total forested area, mostly old-growth forests).
ALL the EU's flying squirrels (that means something like 50,000 nesting females of the elusive and endangered little Pteromys volans, a.k.a. the Eurasian or Siberian flying squirrel). Finland produces:
The greatest per capita forest industry exports (around EUR 2,500 per head annually; Finland accounts for roughly 10% of world pulp, paper, and board exports). Finns are:
The best paper and newsprint recyclers in the European Union (nearly 150 kg of paper per inhabitant annually. This is probably good news, as we are also the world's leading consumers of paper and paperboard, as well as of newsprint).
The world's leading manufacturers of mass-produced log buildings (11,000 a year, mostly log cabins, of course) Finns live in:
The newest dwellings in the EU (45% of the residential building stock is under 30 years old. The apartments and houses may be new, but Finns are near the bottom of the pile in the size of their homes, in square metres per resident. We have all this space, but live cramped).
The least indebted households (outstanding household loans, mortgages, etc. account for 33% of GDP, whereas the average eurozone figure in 2000 was 56%). Finns dream up:
The greatest number of high-tech patent applications per capita (according to the figures kept by Eurostat we have now overtaken the Germans). Finnish officials carry out:
The most extensive research into traffic fatalities (accident investigation boards are set up immediately to examine all fatal accidents, without exception). Helsinki is:
The cleanest capital city (following a worldwide quality of life study of 215 cities by the William M. Mercer consultancy firm, in which Helsinki came out as the 6th nicest place in the world to live. They clearly didn't visit it while the snow lay unploughed on the streets last winter). Finland also has:
The best public institutions infrastructure (according to that Competitiveness report by the World Economic Forum, this is not just the best in Europe, but unrivalled in the entire world).
The smoothest customs procedures (according to yet another competitiveness study, the World Competitiveness Yearbook published by the Swiss-based International Institute for Management Development, Finland's customs officials are the least obstructive to the efficient transit of goods).
It hardly needs to be said that Finland won the overall IMD World Competitiveness title for countries with populations smaller than 20 million. It also hardly needs to be said that our customs officials blame their Russian colleagues every time there is a 20-mile tailback of trucks at the border. That's quite often.
The lowest rate of taxation on dividend income - and one of the highest rates of personal income tax, but we won't go into that.
The most squeaky-clean officials and politicians (well, what do you say to being top of Transparency International's Corruption Perceptions Index for the last three years? Finland's economy is too small to merit a place in the TI bribe-payers' index, so we can't say how eager our businessmen are to give back-handers.) Finns exhibit:
The strongest sense of affinity for their own homeland and nationality, at least according to a Eurobarometer survey from 2002. Finland has within its borders:
The largest EU land-area north of the Arctic Circle. Finland's residents include:
The richest man in the EU (Santa Claus, according to Forbes business magazine is the world's wealthiest individual, with an infinite net worth. He is a resident of Korvatunturi in Eastern Lapland. For some obscure reason best known to themselves, the Forbes journalists assert that Santa is the richest "fictional character" and the paper also falsely states his addresses as New York City and the North Pole.) ...OR WAS IT THE WORST? On a less attractive note, these extremes are also chart-toppers: Finland is:
The most expensive country in the EU (measured using purchasing power parities)
The most sparsely populated country in the EU (15 persons per square kilometre - Norway has 14, but they are not members. Malta will shake up the other end of the scale when they arrive with their 1,234 inhabitants/sq.km.)
The most violent society in the EU relative to population (roughly 155 unlawful killings of one kind or another each year, a further 400 attempts at doing people in, and 1,300 suicides. Of course we don't come anywhere close to the States, and we aren't all going around shooting each other, but Finns are pretty handy with a knife, especially after they've had a few drinks. Most Finnish murderers don't remember what they did, even after they've sobered up.) Finland has:
The least dense road network (just 230 metres of highway for each of the 338,145 square kilometres that make up the country. Of course, around 33,500 sq.km. of that area is water. )
The smallest density of police per head of population (676 inhabitants per police officer; this lack of police could conceivably be seen as a good thing and as a signal of an orderly society, but that doesn't wash when you need one in a hurry).
The fewest foreigners in the society (1.9%, or roughly 100,000 foreign citizens living in Finland). Finns display:
The least inclination to be self-employed and set up a business (Eurobarometer 134, on Entrepreneurship: 69% of Finns said they wanted to be employees, whereas at the other extreme 71% of Portuguese respondents said they wanted to be self-employed). Finns are:
The most "alienated" members of the EU family (only one in four respondents to another Eurobarometer survey said they felt the EU was "their thing", and our trust in the EU is down there in the basement with the Swedes and the inevitable Brits, in spite of our reputation as "good little students".)
The worst sleepers in the EU (1.5 to 2 times as prone to sleep disorders as other Europeans, although we sleep better in the winter than in the summer. All that laying in bed failing to sleep makes us heavy readers, however. And though things have slipped a bit since the heyday of the late 1990s, we are still pretty near the top in the use of mobile phones, PCs, and the Net. And still rather pathetically proud of our need to "get a life" outside of the broadband networks.)
The biggest cheapskates in the EU when it comes to buying clothes (we spend just EUR 544/year/person on clothing and shoes, and most of that gets spent by the folks in the south. Despite massive press and billboard advertising, Finnish women apparently DON'T go out and buy frilly underwear every day. Presumably it gets bought by their husbands at Christmas and on Mother's Day.)
The worst eaters of lamb and mutton in the Union (just 300 gm/person/per year; "It tastes like wool", they say.) And, perhaps surprisingly when you consider how much of the place is forested, Finland has the smallest variety of naturally-occurring tree species in the EU (roughly 30 species that grow into something resembling a tree. This is of course also a climate question. There is only so much you CAN grow in Europe's Alaska.) BUT WHAT OF THE FUTURE? When the European Union expands, for better or worse Finland will lose many of her cherished top and bottom places in the tables.
And in case anyone thinks we are making all this up, there are a few links below that should support the contentions in the article.
Helsingin Sanomat / Edited and abridged from an article in the June issue of the Monthly Supplement